When children start to live in a group, there will always be conflicts with their friends, big and small, which is inevitable.

In order to prevent their children from being bullied, some parents will directly intervene to solve the problem. But in reality, it's also an opportunity for children to learn how to deal with interpersonal conflicts.

Sometimes, within the scope of the child's tolerance, parents may wish to let the child deal with it, which can better exercise the child's independence.

Tong Tong Mama:

My children have always played with a few children in the neighborhood, and they also attend a class in kindergarten, so they can be said to be their own little sisters.

But recently, the sisters had an awkward quarrel, because Tong Tong had a new scooter, and her good friends wanted to ride it, and one of the children had been dominating the scooter and did not want to play with other children, and the children were very angry and asked Tong Tong to bring the car.

Tong Tong was very embarrassed and didn't know what to do, and the child's parents tried to persuade him to no avail, and even the child pushed others, so the child's parents yelled at the child roughly, and the children cried, and the parents dispersed with their children.

At the time, I felt quite embarrassed, and Tong Tong obviously felt very unhappy, and later I heard Tong Tong say that her good friends don't like to play with her lately, and they don't take her much when they play with toys.

This made Tong Tong very sad, and he felt less happy in kindergarten than before, and gradually fell in love with him. What should I do in such a situation?

After all, because this is only a trivial matter for adults, I am a little embarrassed to go to the other party's parents, but I can't bear to see my daughter and her good friend stiff. In addition, I am also worried that my daughter will be frustrated in her interpersonal relationship because of this incident, which will affect her interpersonal communication.

Guangzhou Listen to the Psychological Counseling Interpretation:

For children at this age, peer interaction is indeed an important part of their lives.

During this period, children no longer regard adults as their only objects of dependence, but actively seek peer relationships, increase the intensity of attachment to peers, and interact with peers more closely, frequently, and persistently than before.

In other words, at this time, the child's world is no longer limited to the family, parents and side; Stepping into the school and entering the collective, their small world is also expanding step by step, and things outside the family are gradually enriching the child's world, and peer relationship is one of them, and the influence should not be underestimated.

Psychology also believes that a good peer relationship can not only meet many of children's growth needs, but also affect children's socialization development to a certain extent.

On the one hand, in peer relationships, peers can meet the child's needs for belonging and love, as well as the need for respect, and at the same time be a source of emotional support for the child. In the process of interacting with peers, children can have the opportunity to learn the reactions of others and gradually adjust their interpersonal behavior.

On the other hand, being frustrated in peer relationships can also easily cause children to have negative emotions and affect their confidence in interacting with peers.

Therefore, how to accompany children through this stage of growth is also a new test for parents.

Some parents will be overly interfering: they feel that their children are not social, that they are too passive, that they are being bullied......

Under various worries, parents unconsciously want to solve problems for their children, but they forget that this is a child's growth topic, so that children miss the opportunity to handle interpersonal relationships independently and exercise interpersonal skills.

Parents do not interfere too much, which is not only an opportunity for children to learn to solve problems on their own, but also to give children full trust and help them build confidence. But it is not to ignore it, but to act as a guide in it, guiding the child to solve peer conflicts independently.

How do you be a good guide?

First, parents need to learn to be patient listeners.

When a child has a conflict with his peers, in addition to listening to the child explain what happened, it is also important to pay attention to the child's emotions.

In fact, for children, sometimes it doesn't matter what happens, but the grievances and sadness in their hearts that need to be seen.

At this time, instead of being a referee, parents should first empathize with their children and accept their emotions.

For example, respond to the child like this: "I can feel that you feel very uncomfortable about this incident that happened to your good friend today", "Do you feel very scared and worried about being criticized";

Or give your child a warm hug, a smile of encouragement, so that your child feels safe and dares to express his true thoughts and feelings.

When children encounter emotions that they don't know how to deal with and sometimes their own are difficult to perceive, parents can catch this part well, and after their own processing, they can transform it into a part that the child can accept and pass to the child.

Subtly, children will also form their own "inner work mode", and slowly learn to manage emotions, express and dredge their emotions reasonably.

Secondly, after the child's emotions are relieved, parents can give some appropriate guidance to help the child clarify the problem.

For example, teach children to empathize, understand each other's behavior, let children analyze the contradictions step by step, and then guide them to make the next step, so that children can master the skills of solving peer conflicts.

This kind of teaching can give children the ability and confidence to face and solve conflicts next time, and also effectively improve children's ability to deal with interpersonal conflicts and master positive resolution strategies.

In the conflict again and again, the child has exercised himself and gradually grown, what parents can do is to accompany the child to tide over the difficulties, but also witness the child's growth step by step.

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Proofread by Zhuang Wu